four letter word

a four letter word attacked me a week ago
with tentacles that grip and claw at
any ounce of hope, expectation and joy left.
the remnants of a dream, now encased in a glass jar,
suspended in formaldehyde, trying to preserve it,
keep it as intact as possible, though it no longer throbs
with life energy and looks quaint-
quasi-sentimental and paltry up on the shelf,
where i casually regard it from time to time
as something I used to consider with such gravity, as a promise

these days, i zoom through life like an electronic race car
on autopilot
rarely considering the tracks upon which i tread
as little more than binding shackles keeping me on one path
not letting me veer left or right and discover
how different life could be
in a different town, in a different job, with a different set
of friends, of pickaxes with which i might eke out a meaning
in this world, instead
i am contained within a 7x7 mile radius

and remain suspended, wondering
dreaming of leaving, but awaking to a reality of staying put
even as others catch their queue and board that plane taking them away
to encounter and reckon with their destinies,
yes i am awake drinking in the burnished pink sunsets dripping off the golden gate bridge-
my backdrop, Your voice tuning in as a quiet, soft voiceover,
with coy small phrases, trust Me, wait on Me
and i sit back on what appear to be laurels
exhausted by my inertia.