Tuesday, August 30, 2005

a detour into the ER

last night, instead of our bible study group meeting, i encountered my friend, the leader of said study, cindy, bleeding profusely from her right index finger. she had been cutting lemons with a very sharp blade. my RA instinct came out and i had her elevate the finger after i wrapped it with a makeshift splint for 15 minutes, determined that if after 15 minutes it was still bleeding, we would go to the ER.

15 minutes later she pulled on a jacket and we hopped in my car, bound to get her still bleeding finger surveyed and stitched up. what is it about the ER that brings the "crazy" out of people? there i was with a fun sticker that labeled me as "ER visitor"- we wondered if this was in case security thought i might camp out for a while just to people watch, though i had forgotten to pack a sleeping bag or canteen... to our left this teenager was slumped at what looked to be a very uncomfortable angle bellowing out every several minutes about how much "fucking" pain he was in. which surprisingly aroused a fit of giggles in me, masqueraded by a catalog concealing my face. later on, he proceeded to pace and talk loudly. then at one point he went back to the receptionist seated behind the plexiglass and yelled how he'd been there three hours, when was someone going to see him (fist hits plexiglass).

i'm starting to think things might get going and began salivating, considering poor cindy and i were resigned to reading time magazine from 2002 or re-reading my paper source catalog. but sadly, the security officer feigned authority and asked the kid to sit, which he obligingly did...wimp.

when we finally got called into one of the back rooms, they led us to the kiddie room, with drawers labeled "children's diversions" (aka "toys") and a freakish painting of a broken crayon and coloring book in a rain puddle... odd choice of art. when the dr. came in, it was the guy i had dubbed "dr. hot stuff." by now i was punchy and had begun to read restaurant reviews in accents and start drafting stories of the physicians on duty's lives.

$100 later, they super-glued cindy's finger back together. yowza, i can't imagine pouring glue into an open "laceration." we were convinced that the $100 bought better vocabulary, evidenced in "diversions" (toys) and "laceration" (cut). but i guess it also bought a very entertaining night because who goes to the ER on a tuesday night, really, they don't have enticements like happy hours. but they do have crazies. oh, yes, the crazies congregate at the ER.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

a malaise

tonight i watched one of my favorite movies "reality bites."

what is it about troy dyer that makes most women swoon? he's a slacker, not emotionally available guy afraid of commitment. he also has all this passion inside of him and wit and sarcasm laced with intellect. he doesn't have a job and is not the most ambitious guy out there. but the guy has ideals that he wants to live by, even if he's not sure how to execute them. and he doesn't want to enter the grinding machine that is the corporate world. you would think that any late 20-something woman would be wanting to find someone who is all the things that he is not, which is true. in the grand scheme of things he is not the best love interest written into movie form. but there's something about certain glances, phrases, a cast falling over his eyes at moments, that make him smolder on-screen.

this afternoon during my cast party, behind the cacophony of voices talking loudly, i heard the u2 song that personifies this movie for me, provides the quintessential transition point "all i want is you". bono's voice was barely discernible, but it's as if pavlov himself was wooing me to watch this movie tonight.

i wonder if there is such vulnerability and directness with good single men out there quite like troy's monologue at the end. but then again, i live in san francisco, where you're hard pressed to find great straight men. and so life continues, tonight in a bit of a malaise.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

mensa words

this is from the indomitable bill mallonee's blog on his myspace page. some of these are truly great. i encourage you to leave a comment here, utilizing one of your "new words."

"This is some of the stuff Brenda send me from time to time...words rule

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners. Read them carefully. Each is
an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word.

Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,

shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and
the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all
these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets
into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a
worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the lot:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole."

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

friendships and a life in flux

my last performance of "grease" happened sunday. what a fun experience! my good buddies amy and michelle drove up from l.a. for the weekend. my other friend, kristen is moving to riverside this thursday. our lives are always in flux. we are always in transition. i wonder if we stay the same, if at that moment, we are aware for the first time that every single moment we are that much closer to dying, the sands from our life's hourglass dripping through the narrow passageway into the pile of other grains of sand, indiscernable as being different, to the naked eye. there is something to be said for risking and putting yourself out there on the line.

post something significant one of your friends has taught you. i'll post mine too.

Friday, August 19, 2005

hum drum, glum, then poof

what a week. i haven't experienced this kind of malaise in quite some time. if i was an animal, i would be a hermit crab (though i guess technically they're not animals). after the past few days i decided i needed to pray i would get back on good footing and today, poof, back to my usual energetic self hobnobbing via email with reporters and the like. i think part of it is the end of grease fast approaches and the what's next is on my mind. it's been a bunch of fun, and i would definitely do it again if the opportunity was right. in the meantime, tomorrow night signals the first show of the last weekend, and all sorts of celebrating post-show. my friends amy and michelle are driving up right now from l.a. for the show and to celebrate our friend ricky's birthday and just hang in sf. it will be good to have them around. their laughter is contagious. i wrote a really dark poem the other night. but it came from this interesting place inside that i wouldn't have thought to tap into. i'm quite pleased with it, and am reminded (again *ahem*) that i need to get off my arse and start approaching poetry pubs. about publishing one of my poems. let the rejections begin- just not this weekend. i am on a diet of the psalms and corrie ten boom right now, which is just what i need. if you haven't looked at psalm 23 recently or ever, you should check it out- it's like balm to dry, cracked hands.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

quiz for myspace

Birthday:december 8
Current Location:san francisco
Eye Color:darkest brown
Hair Color:ebony
Right Handed or Left Handed:right
Your Heritage:dutch, bolivian
The Shoes You Wore Today:purple dansko mary janes
Your Weakness:musicians, good dark chocolate
Your Fears:not achieving my full potential
Your Perfect Pizza:mushroom
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:twirling on the dancefloor and not getting dizzy; trying to publish some poems
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:"curling my hair" as my busy signal
Thoughts First Waking Up:my pillow is really soft (turn over)
Your Best Physical Feature:i've been told my eyes or smile
Your Bedtime:11 most nights
Your Most Missed Memory:my mom reading to me at night when i was little
Pepsi or Coke:coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:mcdonalds
Single or Group Dates:maybe a group date first to see how he is with other people, then later definitely one-on-one, since the dynamics are so different
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:mighty leaf :)
Chocolate or Vanilla:mexican chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:peets
Do you Smoke:no
Do you Swear:sometimes
Do you Sing:yep. all the time
Do you Shower Daily:sure
Have you Been in Love:yep
Do you want to go to College:been there. am looking to go back at some point
Do you want to get Married:sure
Do you belive in yourself:definitely
Do you get Motion Sickness:only on the ferry going over to alcatraz
Do you think you are Attractive:sure, in an exotic not dime a dozen way
Are you a Health Freak:no
Do you get along with your Parents:i do. they're great people and have made their mark in this world.
Do you like Thunderstorms:yep. lights off and curtains up, they make for great story-telling times.
Do you play an Instrument:guitar, vox (it is its own instrument), a little piano
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:today at our cast party
In the past month have you Smoked:nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:sure
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:first time, today
In the past month have you been on Stage:yes, multiple times
In the past month have you been Dumped:no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:no
Ever been Drunk:no
Ever been called a Tease:i don't think so
Ever been Beaten up:no
Ever Shoplifted:as a child- a pack of bubble-yum
How do you want to Die:after a long, fruitful life, after i feel i have impacted my window of the world in the best way i could
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:a poet
What country would you most like to Visit:greece or egypt
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:blue/green/brown
Favourite Hair Color:brown or black
Short or Long Hair:either, as long as it's taken care of
Height:not too tall but not as short as me
Weight:not too bulky, but not a stick bug
Best Clothing Style:kind of eccentric, distinctive- he knows his style and wears it well
Number of Drugs I have taken:none
Number of CDs I own:a lot
Number of Piercings:my 2 ears
Number of Tattoos:none
Number of things in my Past I Regret:i try to make choices that i won't regret later


just like high school

opening weekend has been a ball. i had so much adrenaline from our first show that i ended up going out after the post-show reception to hear one of my favorite local band's perform at their CD release party. last night after the show, i went out with several cast members to the hukilau for drinks and kicks. then today, we went on a pub crawl in the castro. one of my fellow cast members brian and i got a bite to eat at a japanese restaurant ( i tried sushi for the first time, and it confirmed what i believed all along) and then met up with everyone at the bar next door. after a good 30 minutes there we walked down a block to another bar that has a dance floor and danced for a long while. it was great to release all the energy that had been building throughout the performance. some thugalicious guy asked if he could dance with me, and he looked like he was 12 and 4'10... which was all kind of odd to me, until the bartender came on the dancefloor and hauled him out the door.

i was never a partier in high school. i still don't fancy the bar scene that much and get to a point of no return where i am so over it. but i enjoyed being with my castmates in a setting that they dug. it's been an amazing show, and there have been all these great conversations/God indwellings happening. but like high school, you sometimes feel like a total arse, and sometimes develop crushes where you shouldn't.
but sometimes there are these gossamer moments where all is right with the world, even as the energy flows through you and lets you know you will not be going to sleep at a "decent hour tonight" and that's okay. i have been meditating on the psalms lately which have been a great source of restfulness, even when my body is feeling overexerted. i'm feeling really restless as the end draws near. restless about how it all will shake out. but wasn't it kind of like that at graduation- it's kind of just like the end of high school, really. maybe that means i will actually grow up.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

a creature of habit and a decision

so we have been madly rehearsing for our performance of "Grease" for the past month with the opening performance coming up next week. it will be so much fun! i get to wear an actual poodle skirt circa 1952 that dramatically opens up when i twirl. i have begun thinking once it's over, what will be next. the options are endless and yet i am considering making it something poetry-intensive. i love projects and easily get bored if i do the same thing all the time (which is why my job is a great fit). originally when i pursued journalism, that was also an element about j-work that i loved- constant learning and stimulation. i think i get it from my dad, who also works on project to project bases. it can be difficult for me to finish a project if my stimulation level drops dramatically in my personal life, case in point my "Garden State Companion Reader" i made for my friend ryan that only took 7 months...

i also made the decision to go to my 10 year high school reunion. this is significant only because of when the reunion falls. first, i will be flying to DC to set up our booth for a natural foods expo, weds. night; then spending five hours setting it up with my colleague charlie thursday; after which i will set off for the airport to fly to dallas arriving in the wee hours before midnight. the trip to dallas will have me there for around a day and a few hours. but i always felt like if i was in the country, i would want to go to the reunion. my graduating class was fairly small and probably sadistically i want to see where everyone is at in their lives and what they are like. should be fun and entertaining... i'll keep you posted for sure.