Thursday, December 28, 2006

blindfold, please: on contingency plans

i have been up to my gills at work, planning ahead like a mad woman for the duration of ten days during which i will be at my first winter poetry residency in cold massachusetts. some days my heart and temperament feel as frosty as the air i will soon breathe. and during these moments i am grateful that i am not operating heavy machinery or making large scale decisions that will affect the course of humanity.

i reconnected with the story of abram this morning, now called abraham, at this point, encountering a king called abimelech. he tells abimelech that sarah (his wife) is his sister, but before abimelech comes to "know" her, he is visited in a dream by an angel warning him of the fallacy. when abimelech approached abraham with the mistruth, good ol' abe responds that because she's beautiful he would probably have been killed and so he asked her to do him this favor and say she's his sister. he's smooth in his delivery because this happened already, two chapters ago in egypt. he's thought out all the what if's so intricately that he shows himself to be walking by sight, not faith.

which gets me looking at my life, pointing at all the blaring subtleties and a path that seems so irrational right now- pursuing poetry in the midst of managing a multi-million dollar company's marketing. it feels so larger than life to me that i diminish. my words dot the page like scratches on metal, and i am reminded of what it means to shut my eyes and take the first step (because it's always the hardest), letting the rest of them come as they will and not be so damn clever that i actually believe my contingency plan could be the best choice. blindfold, please.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

what happens when the path diverges

i've been mulling something for about a week. a man named terah gave birth to the father of the nations, abram. before last week i had never really taken much notice of terah, but like a child eager for dessert, let my eyes skip ahead to abram.

of terah, not much is said, and yet in the brief capsule of his life that we do know, there is an interesting fact. God called him to canaan. on the way there, for whatever reason, he ended up rooting down into haran.

in the next chapter, God tells abram to leave his father's household and go to the land He will show him. the next sentence (one of my favorites) begins with a connector word "so he went." and wouldn't you know he was headed for canaan...

what happens when the instruction for the parent goes unfulfilled? does it naturally fall upon the child? my thought is not always and yet what an interesting thread this is in the early histories and movements of the hebraic man.

Monday, December 11, 2006

a big birthday smile


a big birthday smile
Originally uploaded by anzifog.

aziza chandelier


aziza chandelier
Originally uploaded by anzifog.

couscous aziza


couscous aziza
Originally uploaded by anzifog.
yum. can you pass the ras el hanout? :)

pam_az_katy_120806


pam_az_katy_120806
Originally uploaded by anzifog.
at aziza

tentative blow out


tentative blow out
Originally uploaded by anzifog.

Friday, December 08, 2006

thirty.

the road to thirty has been paved over the course of the year, so it's arrival was greeted like a penpal that is finally met for the first time. in india, they perceive thirty to be the age when a child finally becomes an adult. this sentiment has stuck in my head since my last trip there, now five years ago. i hired a lawyer earlier in the year and this seemed to be the first turning point where i had to be sober enough to contend with the judicial system. my body was banged up and bruised internally- i hurt and understood a modicum of the aches that will color moments in the upcoming years. i continue learning to stay put when God dictates it. i see Him all over the place- especially covering over the fears that are hidden within me (so hidden that sometimes i am totally unaware of them until they surface, propelling me into an almost out of body experience to consider them, chew on them, seek out their source to abolish it once and for all). His is a balm that somehow makes everything okay when it doesn't seem like there is anyway it will ever be okay again. thirty will be a year of mirth too (but these other things crept out of me tenaciously, waiting their turn to be spoken).

this is/has been a week of many mini celebrations (i am much more of a one-on-one or small group kind of gal and wanted to do this year's birthday celebration up in small bites, instead of my typical large bite approach).


sunday: imogen heap concert with my friend tyler.
wednesday: carmen (the opera) at sfo and then late night dinner with my game soulmate alan.
thursday: amos lee concert with new friend carrie.
friday (my bday!): dinner at aziza with close friends.
saturday: mexican train dominoes with roommates and gelato bar.
sunday: karaoke with friends.

it should all be great fun. afterall, we're celebrating life, all of ours, not just mine.

Friday, December 01, 2006

i turn 30 in a week

a new decade of my life will begin. the last decade switch was from being a teenager to a 20something, so this should be interesting and fun. life is never dull...