thoughts on the periphery: small potatoes

i had no sooner returned to san francisco, from texas when i started having these mad headaches. i don't mean the wimpy, "i'll-take-one-advil-and-be-done-with-it" variety but the raging bull kind. there was one day when i even retched after prolonged exposure with my computer screen. not pretty. my coloring was off and i was told on more than one occasion at work that i looked "grey..."

so later that week it made sense to go visit my doctor and get her prognosis. but before her appointment came a visit to my chiro. which serendipitously was made weeks ago. he mentioned that the brand of headache may have more to do with my spine.

yikes.

my doctor on the other hand, did not concur. she concluded, very quickly, i might add, that i needed to have an MRI done. but then glibly made the statement that i would first probably need to go see a neurologist...

forget the ibuprofen. double yikes.

as i left her office convinced that i might have a brain tumor because of her counsel, i said one of those quick prayers of absolute clarity and sobriety, telling God that i trust Him, and if it's a brain tumor, He and i will get through it. but it took a lot for the word trust to come out of my little mouth anyway.

what a great weekend i had. everything seemed smoother, the colors more crisp, my take on things so loose, even with a dull throbbing in the back and sides of my head. i worked on the fine art of being aware of pain's existence without letting it run the show or be the focal point.

the following week, in my follow-up visit to my chiro. i mentioned the doctor's diagnosis. he became very quiet and as he heard me describe my disdain for taking medicines, he told me neurologists were more notorious for writing prescriptions for medicines, as if they were hot checks.

triple yikes.

i mentioned that deep down, it didn't feel like a tumor, since it moved and was not consistent, that i thought it might be related to my vision, since i had worn my reading glasses the whole day, the day before... his head perked up and he told me i should go see an optometrist to rule out the vision possibility before any of the other rig-a-ma-roll got set into motion. good idea.

long story short, the optometrist kept muttering the words "interesting" as he looked deeply into my eyes with his machine and made the evaluation that because of the way my eyes are dispositioned, i would be prone to having headaches, and concluded i should get glasses. my doctor's assistant, upon hearing the news told me on behalf of the doctor, that if that cured my headaches there would be no need to go see a neurologist or get an MRI.

check. check.

so now i have to bid adieu to my peripheral vision. but i'm not sure what kind of parting gift i should bestow. i can't imagine how glasses will feel, constantly on my face. but in light of all the other possibilities it is truly small potatoes.