a thought on moving

"when you live on your own for a long time, however, your personality changes because you go so much into yourself you lose the ability to be social, to understand what is and isn't normal behavior. there is an entire world inside yourself, and if you let yourself, you can get so deep inside it you will forget the way to the surface."

~ donald miller

i'm moving next week- though things have become rather complicated about its execution. the quote above really describes well some thoughts i have on living situations at present. as an only child, it's fairly easy for me to consider living alone. i have always been fairly adept at keeping myself amused easily or occupied without the need of company. but as an extrovert, i am very aware as my friend and former roommate olga can agree that when given in to long bouts of "aloneness" it's an invitation for my melancholic side to take the helm and steer. but here's the catch: long bouts of "aloneness" can be the catalyst to really thought out writing and evocative poetry. perhaps it's sadistic, but that's a great side effect...

i think i will always be fascinated with the inner workings of myself- call that self-centered but i'm equally fascinated with your inner workings- what makes you tick; what is changing over time; who are you now versus who you were six months ago; how God is shaping you; how He is molding me. it's a trite saying but people do make some of the most interesting stories, myself included. so when don talks about "there is an entire world inside" and the notion of letting self submerge, it can be intoxicating to internalize and analyze and then overanalyze. but it can be dangerous, much like staying underwater too long. you and i only have so much breath.
so all this to say, one of the reasons i am moving is a desire to cultivate a greater sense of hospitality in my life and the lives of friends and colleagues. but on the other hand, i am moving for a room of my own- a quiet space to write poems and develop my craft further. so again in this chapter on being alone by don miller, i am reminded that we need each other and as importantly need to share our story with each other. we are renewed in this.