help, i've lost my friend

so my friend chet disappeared a week ago last monday.

disappeared as in didn't show up at our usual spot to carpool into the city. on my fourth call (no one can say i am not persistent) he answered, hung over from a long night, the night before. needless to say he didn't make it in to work that day. but the next morning he wasn't at our meeting spot again- all highly irregular. when i tried calling, it went straight to vm, so i left a message saying i'd see him at work.

and yet, as i was driving on the 101 i had a sinking feeling he was either going to quit or be fired. so it didn't come as a complete shock when i found out he had left a vm saying he quit with his boss. what did surprise me and kind of baffles me even today is his refusal to take my calls. i think i must have called around 8 times that day and if it didn't go straight into vm, then i knew he was screening.

before you think i'm psycho because of calling that much you have to understand the nature of our relationship. he is like a brother to me and i am like a sister to him. we'd planned all these things- i'm supposed to go to his cousin's wedding with him in december; he's supposed to help me move and paint my new bedroom; we were supposed to play badminton this summer, go salsa dancing, cook once i move. if you understand hindu culture and the festival called raksha bandan, we had talked about doing it with each other. in the celebration a brother will tie a band around his sibling's wrist as a pledge that he will watch out for her/take care of her. the sister ties the band around her brother's wrist and also gives him money as her pledge that she will take care of him. he has seen me in unsavory moments and in good ones- he gets me better than most anyone else.

and he has severed me from his life. i'm kind of numb by all of it, yet devastated, yet insanely pissed off that he would think whatever he's going through is too big, too bad or too gross to allow me to walk with him through it(even though we've walked through some pretty grim stuff in the past year together). he's making that choice. and so i would implore you if you are a praying person to pray for chet right now. he's in bad straits- bad enough that he broke his lease and moved home to his parent's house two days after he quit. join me as i pray for him because it's as if he's a cologne lingering in the air that follows me wherever i go- everything reminds me of him but i can't let the smell overwhelm my life, even if i am aware of its existence. this is like a break-up of a boyfriend but 10 times worse. friendships are rare jewels, but like diamonds, these kind of sharp edges cut and will definitely leave their mark. all in all i miss him.