Sunday, November 14, 2004

on being careful with God

i was talking with some friends last tuesday about the need to be careful what you pray for. that God might grant it in a way you could not anticipate or desire to bring the request to fulfillment.

i gave the example of my friend tim when i was growing up, who felt his story about following God wasn't hard core enough, so he prayed God would give him a more interesting story... and later he almost died of bone marrow cancer.

so i was thinking about how this correlates with the phrase "be careful what you wish for" and if we see God as being capricious. if we think when we ask for bread that He will give us stones. tricky stuff. because i could SAY that God is always looking out to see His will in me played out. i know God to be Father and that He gives His children good things. but sometimes to make them more fully developed and realized He allows those hard things to transpire, which can be very unsettling if it seems dark and you're looking for a light.

i first happened upon the chewing of this subject material when thinking about something i prayed for in high school. whereas now i have some perspective to see that it was a teenager's prayer, not a twentysomething's. and am somewhat horrified and hoping God will let it slide and not keep its answer from rearing its head. there are so many other things i am sure i have prayed that have been forgotten over time, but i can't worry about their culmination because then i might never talk to God if i was always freaked out about what might come about post-prayer, as i evolve and develop, and my needs and desires evolve and develop.

so i am trying to remember in these funky thoughts and times to live in the freedom that i do want His will played out in my life and know that He's so much more big picture than my forest-for-the-trees approach at life and praying. he can see how all this tapestry pans out into a glorious design instead of the tattered, fringed edges i am looking at.


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