wading my way out of black january

so this year started off on the right foot. fun new year's eve party with good friends in attendance. a nine and a half hour first shot at the game of risk new year's day with me taking a bitter defeat at the siege of Siam and later at the fall of Madagascar. and then it's as if things took a steep turn.

i started feeling ill and my mom can attest that i am such a horrible patient. my head never works right when i'm sick and i can make some bad judgement calls. the day after my cold began to consume my lungs and chest, i got a ticket for making a left turn during rush hour, an intersection rarely traveled after work. and now i know why. the cop turned on his spotlight and pulled me over. a lovely opportunity to attend traffic school.

i have been feeling very funky at work. kind of like waking up in one of your dreams, looking around and saying, "how did i get here? do i really have anything to offer?" self-doubt sucks. but good times with God help. as do little mentions of appreciation from my boss. she mentioned that when i was ready to quit and go work with homeless youth, she and her husband created this job so i wouldn't leave.

"we didn't want to lose you," she said. "and now you have developed it into so much more than we could have hoped for. you know we couldn't do the marketing we are right now if you weren't at the helm."

that minute long mention, along with the book of ezekiel helped pull me up out of the mire.

then last week on the way to work, this psycho driver in a mini-van looked like she was going to hit me, like she couldn't see me. and in my attempts to call attention to my presence in the left hand lane, i ended up making contact with the car in front of me, hood curved like a snarled lip.

my mom's response: that i needed to re-evaluate my life and why all these things were happening. so here's my brief evaluation:
1. i do not believe in karma, but perhaps there is such a thing as car-ma. and if there is, well i'm raking it in right now.
2. i have chosen to dub january with the name Black January rather than see the rest of 2005 as potentially abysmal. (otherwise that will put me in a nasty funk).
3. i can choose to see things as being very testy or see what they are not (i could have been hurt; the cop might not have made up his quota :)

so celebrate Black January with me. give food to the homeless. wave at the insane drivers passing you in the middle lane. go treat yourself to a great hat. but most importantly thank God that there is a beginning and an end to things.