schizophrenia of the skies

today's weather reminded me of a 13 year old pimply faced boy whose voice cracks whenever he thinks of talking to the cute girl, but can't figure out what he wants to say.

awkward.

and so the peaks of mt. tam were capped with snow on my way to work. from my window at work, rain fell from the sky, morphing into hail from grey overcast skies, then rain from sunny skies,culminating into a bright sunny sky with no clouds overhead. driving home sheets of hail lined the road in front of me, by corte madera, tapping persistently on the windshield, done by the time i rounded mill valley, as ice and patches of snow lined the base of the headlands.

weird.

new foodie-inspired blog

oh yes, dear loyal readers, i am created a new blog dedicated to restaurant reviews. be on the lookout for NYC insertions. i hope to have dinner with a fromagier (friend of a sommelier friend of mine) who works at "per se." it would be great fun to talk cow and cheese for a spell (seeing as i am lactose intolerant, it's the only way i can healthfully manage the stuff).

new foodie blog: puertadelapanza.blogspot.com

so make sure to bookmark it and check it often because i may headed to a town or taqueria near you...

en route

i leave for new york tomorrow.

and somehow i think i'm ready for snow and sleet. i need to feel something different than the malaise accompanying the frosty schizophrenic sunshine tainted with rain here. in the span of 48 hours alone: i have a friend dealing with identity theft, another breaking up with her longterm boyfriend, a friend's grandfather who unexpectedly died today, another friend in a car accident- too much more to delineate. i need some quiet, some centering, if you will. i need an empty, disconnected hotel room, in which i can create lines of words and imbue them with the meaning that is rightly theirs. i need to stop reading old emails...

i love plane rides. i do some of my most lucid thinking on them and God always says something i've been avoiding or unaware is around the bend. perhaps it's that besides the hum of the motor outside my window, all is still and quiet. i am still and quiet.

last night my sleep was tormented by a figment of my imagination and i wrestled him out of my head by waking myself up. tomorrow night in a hotel bed and a city where scant amounts of people know me i can walk the streets anonymously, enshrouded by my burnt orange coat with the shearling collar, dark as sable. in those moments of inflaming chill, perhaps my heart can thaw and i can let myself feel all this acutely, instead of unconsciously insulating myself from the reality of it all.

a friend at work today observed that it seems like my life is being cleansed. i would tend to agree and so i should continue shouldering forward, when what i seem to be stuck in asking is "why" knowing i may not get an answer, but asking the question anyway. i hope to banish the figment of my imagination, at least tonight from re-entering my sleep.

a working theory for despots

i've long thought that if someone wanted to rule the world they would need to have great faculties in the following two areas: communication and organization. i think this because if they can foul up other people's communication and organization, it restricts production and breeds confusion, chaos and hysteria. but if their capacity for organization and communication is impeccable it allows for security, peace and prosperity to reign and really, what person doesn't want those things?

what american city are you?

You Are New York

Cosmopolitan and sophisticated, you enjoy the newest in food, art, and culture. You also appreciate a good amount of grit - and very little shocks you. You're competitive, driven, and very likely to succeed. Famous people from New York: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Tupac Shakur, Woody Allen

What American City Are You?