the loss of you

the voice inside my head coolly blows
lies into my deepest parts,
these words spoken in a seductive tone
beckon me to give them heed,
their sharp edges tracing their way down

i'm fighting against it- it's volume and pitch
so loud and brawny, with me feeling so puny
that i can't make it go away
yet it persists and i sulk away,
even as the whisper of "mea culpa"
becomes my bedtime lullaby

i consider her strong arms which used to wrap around me
like a welcome home banner, even as a trace of turmeric
scented her skin, her eyes would always light up
when she saw her muskaan singing up on stage
i want to replace the image now etching itself
like a charcoal drawing of her ever still body
resting in a box of wood, for one of her on a ship
sailing on one of her journeys to a far off land
like the cruises that delighted her so

i was not aware
am not aware of the fragility of things-
how one word spoken can change the course plotted out
how a word left unspoken is silenced as if by guillotine
having lost its raison d'etre, never to find respite.
words die and live on
and right now, at this moment, i am on the cusp
of perching between the two,
grieving the loss of her,
the loss of you.